Musings on Authenticity, Love and Fears that Hinder the Two

I've realized something all too recently, or at least to connect all the dots of the realization: I AM STILL HIDING. Which is a prerequisite to the fuller realization that my hiding is related to pleasing people, to "not disturb the peace." A "peace" that isn't real. I desire to seek peace, pursue it, cultivate it. Receive shalom in my innermost self and speak it with strength and gentleness to a war-ravaged world. Pursuing peace is not avoiding conflict, often quite the opposite. Yet it does not resort to violence, aggression, coercive or exploitive force. Peace Pursuit (what might be called non-violence) is less about negation, and more about embracing the substance of what is truly real...Love. "Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are the peacemakers, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." The ones who don't by into authority on the world's (violent) terms realize authority and attain possession, often quite by accident.

I desire to live in a pursuit of peace, a cultivation and participation in unity. To do so, I must face my fear of others, dancing with the Spirit of God clothed in trust, faith, openness, vulnerability, passion and love. Being myself with God, growing and changing in God without shame or self-imposed limitations.

Sometimes I have opinions, and in a moment of weakness, I cling to my perceived "rightness" (self-righteousness) in these opinions and dehumanize another, missing the deeper reality of the matter. Puffing up my ego rather than speaking soul-to-soul. Other times, I am impassioned with conviction and refrain from sharing because
...I could be wrong
...I don't want to be too harsh
...It could just be my opinion

...and a list of other "reasons" (excuses) that are rooted in fear.

Some things may well be my opinion, and I can speak my thoughts, feelings, prayers, hopes, concerns and musings with conviction. With purpose. With firm resolve that my feelings are not dependent upon a positive response from them, I can be both more separate-and-together. I can transcend the bonds of compulsion and compromise, while being more able to see and appreciate the intricate connectivity of myself with others. I can see to the heart of the matter when my own identity is not crutched on another's perception. When God is my rock, yet will I be confident. Confident in who I am, and am becoming. I can continue to be meek, not weak. Authentic, not controlling or passive. Present, neither distant nor distracted.

So world... LOOK OUT!

I'm not here to be mean, I'm here to be me. Myself in the God of love, being loved and being love expressed uniquely through me.

I'm not trying to make you mad...most of the time. ;) But I am seeking to draw out places where grace-filled conversation is needed!

I choose to see to the heart. More than patting people on the back for good intentions, but to identify with people deeply.

I want to be me in all the ways that Jesus was/is.

Myself in every moment.
Seeing the heart, not judging appearances.
Confident and content, whatever the circumstances.
Authentic, vocal, assertive.
Peaceful, meek, quiet, gentle.
In the moment.
Present to people.
Awakened to awe.
Unafraid of elephants in the room or skeletons in the closet.
Love, enfleshed, personified.

Thank you, Love. May our hearts beat as one. May our hands be one. May our energy be given freely, richly, whimsically and courageously in love.

Benjamin FaderComment