The Wind Blows Where it Pleases

I’ve committed the unforgivable sin. 

No, I didn’t kill anyone. I didn’t launder any money. I blasphemed the spirit. 

It wasn’t because I used a lowercase “s,” or because I swore something to the heavens. No, it was deeper than that, and the consequences were more far-reaching. 

I have wanted to harness the power of God without the person of God. I’ve wanted, under the pretense of doing things for others, to make myself look great. And I’ve wanted to to be like “them.” I’ve wanted to own, to buy, to control, to manipulate, to manufacture. Like Simon the magic-man in Acts 8, I thought the spirit could be acquired by resources, by finding the right holy (or artistic) person. If anything, it shows my heart wasn’t right. The wind blows where it pleases. I’ve been spinning my wheels to try to “make something happen” rather than receiving a mindful awareness of the spirit and accompanying “inspiration.” But the spirit blows where it pleases. So it is with those who are born of the spirit.

I can’t control the wind, but I can receive and harness what the wind does. This comes because I receive what’s freely given. I can be a sail, a turbine. Like a ship on the high seas, the wind might not always be blowing, let alone in my desired direction, but I can take it as it comes. I can make calculated decisions to venture in the direction I feel led, without the pressure of having to get there alone. In the process, I might even need to adjust my trajectory as I’m guided. And in the journey, I can see as much—if not more—value in the process than in whatever my intended outcome is. 

I can attune to what the spirit is saying to me personally. We can tease out what the spirit is saying to us as a community. And this spirit of God, this creative, life-giving, personal and beauty-making force can blow us wherever she pleases. 

God, I’m sorry for my spinning, for the illusion of control that I’ve fought so hard to cling to. My heart is grieved by my own pretense and selfishness, and I’d much rather have your life-giving love. May it be that your forgiveness and liberation would be unleashed on this heart.Teach us, teach me, how to listen. Give us a new song, a new word, the next steps. Show us what love looks like. Lead us where you will. I’m open to what you’re doing and committed to the process.

With love from your beloved, 

Benjamin FaderComment