sometimes the journey starts with cognitive dissonance

When you're set, there's no need to move. When you're not aware of the internal conflict, there is nothing known to work through. Sometimes the journey of your life starts with cognitive dissonance.
I know it has for me, on a number of levels.

It happened when I realized that my intellectual abstractions contradicted the expressed love I have for people. It happened as I saw that my priorities were divided; between making myself comfortable and being safe space for others. I began to see that there were separate compartments of life, of thought, of being. My God-talk box, my friendship box, my self-care box, my goals-and-dreams box. I put all these different boxes, these separate spaces, onto one plane. I began to open them up, to see what was inside. I began to see the divided lives I had been living both inside and outside. I was overwhelmed to find such dis-integration, such dis-ease. Now that is a hard place to stay, but I've also found that you can't run away from where you are.

I have not cultivated unity in my being by running from my dis-integration, but from receiving it, embracing and moving slowly forward led by the Voice within. My journey has been a journey of listening to my own chaos, and listening to the spirit hovering over and in that chaos. The journey is still in process, and it is a journey full of discovery, emotion, and the messy-but-wonderful mixed-bag of being.

Sometimes, the journey starts with cognitive dissonance. Not that I have a choice, but I wouldn't have it any other way.