I'm not waiting... I'm waiting.

I’ll kneel down / wait for now
I’ll kneel down / know my ground
I will wait for you
— Mumford and Sons "I will wait for you"
My world is changing, I’m rearranging. Does that mean Christmas changed... Or just me?
— Cindy Lou Who in Dr Suess' How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Photo by  Joshua Earle  on  Unsplash

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

I'm not waiting for the coming of Christ, I'm waiting for the kingdom Christ talked about to be teased out, made visible, re-vealed. 

I'm not waiting for a baby in a manger, I'm waiting for people to love the children around them, families, friends, and a multi-generational village. 

I'm not waiting for room in the inn, I'm waiting for those who would hold space in their hearts, in their homes, in their communities, in their countries. 

I'm not waiting for God to rend the heavens and come down, I'm waiting for our hearts to be rent, to spill out with the light and the love that is within us and available already.

I'm not waiting for all to come to know Jesus or to make a confession of faith, I'm waiting for those who would confess Jesus to look like him, to speak truth to power and let authentic vulnerability lead them into uncomfortable places for the sake of others.

I'm not waiting for Christmas, I'm waiting because I know I'm prone to filling space, killing time, distracting and busying myself, to consuming, to taking, to missing and not seeing what already is. 

I'm waiting, and I'm not waiting. I'm awakening. 

I'm not waiting for anything to come from without that hasn't already come from within. 

I'm not waiting for others to love me but choosing to be the love, and sometimes that means holding space, not an active pursuit but an atmosphere of warmth and presence.

I'm waiting, and I'm not waiting. 

Letting go of resistance, moving into embrace. 

Embracing the cocoon that has been before me. 
In the process, in this place. 

As long as it takes.

I'm not "waiting," I'm waiting. 

Barefoot Ben Fader2 Comments